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It was clear from the text messages I found that he had been doing all kinds of kinky things with her that he had never felt comfortable sharing with me. I wasn't until I'd been working in the dungeon for six weeks that I finally told my boyfriend-and ultimately, it only came out because I caught him cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend. I had to act submissive, but not actually be so submissive that I let them get away with anything. You’re playing out a fantasy for the client, but you still have to maintain a level of control and manage them. There’s this misconception that submissives are powerless, but in truth, the sub is expected to control the scene and keep it within the dungeon’s rules. I learned that one of the hardest things about tickling sessions is that most of the guys aren’t actually good at tickling, so I just fake shrieked and squirmed. Prior to that, it never occurred to me that anyone would be into that. Experimenting With KinkĪs a submissive, my first client wanted to tie me down and tickle me. This was basically my side hustle in addition to my job in construction. You need to actually know what you’re doing to become a mistress, a.k.a. They hired me and placed me as a submissive, which acts as the receiving end of the client's fantasies of being spanked, tickled, tied up, and ordered around. At that point, doggy style and blow jobs were kinky to me.īut ultimately, I had to be honest with them about my inexperience, so I said I was open-minded and excited to learn. RELATED: A Beginner’s Guide to KinkĪt first, I tried to bluff my entire way through the interview because I had absolutely no experience in anything kinky. I was really just being immature and burying my head in the sand because it was intimidating. I didn’t want to risk that difficult conversation with him unless I really needed to. I thought that I might not get the job or I might try one shift and not like it. So I made excuses for my lies to him at first. It was uncomfortable thinking about whether he would judge me. We had been together for a while, but I had never spoken up about my fantasies. I didn't tell my boyfriend at the time because I was too embarrassed. The only person I told about my upcoming interview was my roommate, in case the dungeon turned out to be an actual dungeon and I didn’t come home. I thought I could either work minimum wage or make $100 an hour doing something exciting. Plus, I was going to be paying off my $100,000 student loan for over 30 years at the rate I was going. On top of that, I wasn’t earning much while having to cover the cost of living in L.A. But besides the fact that I was curious about BDSM, I was also 22 years old and panicking about what the next step in my career would be. People have a hard time understanding why I was interested in working in a sex dungeon.
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Don’t ever wear anything weird outside of the dungeon.” Had I not called back, I would have shown up in an entirely leather outfit.Ĭheck out these 14 fascinating facts about your O: They told me to, “dress the way you would dress for any other job interview." They added, "We keep a low profile. But I called to apply anyway.Īfter I scheduled an interview, I realized I had no idea what to wear. I didn’t realize that you could even do something like that professionally, so I had no idea what a dungeon was. RELATED: 3 Ways To Start Experimenting With BDSM No experience necessary." It just so happened that the dungeon was close to my job, too.
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That's when I spotted an ad for an L.A.-area dungeon that was hiring dominatrixes. So I started searching online for info about BDSM and kink. It was the pre- Fifty Shades of Grey era, and I was trying to understand some of the sexually explorative things I had been curious about but never found the confidence to try with a partner. (Spice up your sex life with this organic lube from the Women's Health Boutique) My Interview At The Sex Dungeon I was going through the motions, assuming he was happy, but I was definitely missing something. I felt bored and alone in my dissatisfaction. I've found that BDSM is mostly based on open-mindedness, trust, and intimacy.Īfter graduating college with a bachelor's degree in archeology, I was working in an entry-level position at a construction company, and I was in a vanilla, monogamous relationship. As a former dominatrix in a Los Angeles dungeon, I can tell you that it's actually empowering for both the submissive and the dominatrix-and it doesn’t always involve any kind of pain or punishment. But it's often misconstrued as the act of hurting people and portrayed as only being practiced by people who are emotionally tortured. Dungeon, available now on Amazon.īDSM is the umbrella term that covers all kinds of fetish, fantasy, dominance, and submission play. Jenny Nordbak is the author of The Scarlett Letters: My Secret Year Of Men In An L.A.